You've Got the Music in You

This post is me writing to figure out the exact details of my debut mixtape/album. The one thing I have wanted more than anything ever since I can remember is to sing. When I was younger, it was commonplace for me to learn a new song at school only to come home and sing to my family. I can remember when I first learned how to sing the national anthem in kindergarten. I was beyond excited to share this new song with my family. As soon as I got home, I raced up the stairs, climbed onto the mantle and took down an American Flag where my pops kept his Laker Pennants and started going at it...."Oooo Sayyy can You seee"...both my Mom and Dad were at home ( a rare occassion since Mom worked days and my Dad fished or Hunted at Night) and the applause was thunderous after. From then on I knew that's what I wanted to do. It was sometime later, around 2nd grade when I started to perfrom in talent shows and really hone my craft. Now, working on a Mixtape, I've found myself really reaching back to the core of why I started music. It was High School where I really wanted to begin pursuing music. I searched high and low for places that would allow me to perform. I formed several short lived harmony groups that showcased my talent and drive for stardom. Along the way I've had highs and lows. High: Meeting Mariah Carey, Colby O'Donis, Father MC & Performing for Jovenes Inc. lows: getting ripped off my Colby O' Donis' Father, missing an opportunity to share my demo and just lagging on the mixtape. I am now at a place where I can really stand back and ask myself, what it is that I want to do with my music. Do I want to get signed to a record label? Do I want to be an indie artist who sings at coffee shops? Do I want to simply perform for friends and family or do I want to be a world renown recording artis. I chose the latter. In choosing to want the whole enchilada, I've realized that certain steps need to be taken to accomplish this. I have put sooo much pressure on myself to release this debut on July 4 that I think instead of becoming motivating I allowed it to become depression. Isn't that all depression is, backwards motivation? The motivation to do nothing, instead of something? Don't get me wrong, I am not lounging on the couch drinking 40s and watching Juice over and over again (that was last week), I just felt a certain amount of negativity surrounding this release. Fuck that. The truth is, although I know that I am destined to sell 100 million records, have 10 #1 singles and etch my place in the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame...right now I just want to be heard. I keep wanting to determine whether or not this is a mixtape an album or a demo...Let me explain the differences: A Mixtape is a promotional tool primarily used by rappers ( & now R&B Singers) to showcase a wide range of material. Often these mixtapes incorporate instrumentals from popular songs, or samples of other songs and usually are free (to avoid paying for copyright & allow the artist to reach a wider fanbase). Mixtapes need not have a coherent theme and songs can be as diverse as the artist chooses. An album is a solid body of work where the artist decides to create a commonality among the pieces, themes often include love, money, where the artist is in his/her life or a satirical look at certain events. Albums can be played in their entirety and are usually packaged for commercial release (sold). A demo is a portfolio of sorts that artists use in order to showcase their earning potential to labels. A label will then choose to create a financiang package (read "DEAL") with an Artist to provide the proper budgeting in the hopes of a massive return. Here's what I want. A Demo that dares to be as creative as a mixtape while containing the coherence of an album. For the last week or so, I have been recording snippets of song ideas that I've been inspired to write...and they have been great. I haven't, however, finished ANY of them. With the release date 37 days away...I'm feeling the burn. Oh! I know I can create a schedule for myself that says how many songs I have to write each week and then I will have enough material to choose from when I record. I will write 30 songs and choose the 10 best to go on the Mixtape.

Barbecue with a Side of Rehab

Life (Read: God, The Universe, Reality, You, I) has an interesting way of making the thoughts in our head, appear to make sense in reality. Each day I am gracefully awakened by the awareness of existence, I implore God to reveal an understanding that will encourage me to live more fully. After enduring the better part what was both an enormously pleasant/painful experience (Shout out to Brie for celebrating another birthday-Get your grown & sexy on cuzzo! I see You) (Whisper to Thai/London-Congratulations on getting the Courtney Love Golden Pinnaple Award for HAM of the Year) I was engaed in conversation by my older cousin Marveina on the way to work that evening. Marveina, who is versed in both wordly knowledge & academia (Ex 1time who studied @ Pepperdine), is oft a fount of unconvential wisdom (& mercisless coldness see previous posts) & yesterday's lesson began to unravel as unorthodox as any. "Damn that Smells Good" Marveina gushed as the swinging mesquite of Barbeque fucked the dog shit out of our noses "Hell Yeah, I wish I had some right now". "Why?" She asked, her tone noticeably more collected then when we initially allowed ourselves to drift to Muslim Hell (Pork Ribs Anyone?)"Simply because you smell it? We both just finished eating at Mom's." "Yeah I know, but if I could afford it I would eat it." I replied aquiesing somewhat. "I'm sure you can, but you don't really want it. It would be a waste. You just wanted because you smell it, not because you really want to enjoy BBQ right now." Immediately a lightbulb went on. This conversation reminded me of an excerpt that I had recently read in the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People: "The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person." (Franklin, Covey). I know damn well Marveina hasn't read Franklin Covey (Cliff Notes anyone?) but she was able to ascertain this truth of the successful and relay it to me over a conversation about fucking barbeque. My mind was blown, and the truth was I could afford it. I had just gotten paid, albeit it mostly rent money, but still I could afford to get cigarettes. I realize now I was instictively using "fear of affordability" as a mechanism for cognitive dissonance(1). After parting ways at the bus stop, we bid eachother farewell with jokes and warm wishes. This set the stage for the continuation of an important lesson. While I was on the bus I came into awareness of a beautiful twenty something Senegalese woman. Her movements, graceful, and her smile disarming, I initiated a conversation with her as she sat down next to me. Before long we began to talk about what brought her from East Africa to Los Angeles. She mentioned that she was studying psychology (is it me, or does everyone seemingly study psychology?) and I asked her which school of thought in which she found herself most interested. "School of thought...umm wow...I'd have to think." An amusingly puzzled look swam accross her face until the light of inspiration shone "Rational & Cognative Behavioral Therapy". "Continue" I beckoned. She then began to explain that both of these approaches to psychotherapy (a methodology for turning your shit crazy brain into a preemtive chocolate factory for sexy life affirming thoughts) aim to teach the patient that rational thoughts aligned with rational behaviors produce moods that are condusive to effective life navigation (Happy-ness for you non-harvard grads), while irrational thoughts and behaviors (i.e. I want to loose weight but I just ordered extra carmel on my upside down, whip cream heavy Mocha Choca Lata yaya) produce negative moods since they are not inline with what we have deemed our correct course of action. Always aiming to give as much or more than I received I offered another question "Would you be interested in exploring a depper understanding of Jungian Psychology?" I had arrived at my stop. "That sounds wonderful L'aurence" we exchanged numbers & I got off. While the core of these thoughts are everything but new (see old cliche's such as "Do what you say and say what you do") the idea of integrating these theories as a means of achieving greater control of one's thought process is somewhat facinating. Although I have been engaging in this kind of thought play for at least the last 8 months, it was refreshing (& somewhat validating) to find out that it has been growing since Albert Ellis' system, originated in the early 1950s. This stream of thought lead me to ponder one of the most controversial habits in which I've allowed myself to indulge: smoking cigarettes. A few months ago I made myself a promise that once I obtained my Prop 215 Identification card (Insomnia, you'll never catch me sleeping)I would void myself of the cigarette habit. Since then I have noticed that cigarettes have either suddenly become less attractive to me, or that Marlboro's changed their recipe. Even when I bought them the last time (this morning) I found a strange uneasiness with the first drag. Could this have something to do with the fact that I effectively "cursed" my cigarette use? Is the Universe trying to tell me that I'm long overdue on my promise? Exploring this thought throught the framework of Cognitive Behavior therapy & Covey's suborniation theory helped me to arrive at this conclusion: the value that I have placed on my Prop 215 card is slowly but surely erroding the value I have placed on cigarettes. Further thought explorations: Where can I eliminate actions that are not in line with my values? Where can I introduce actions that will support my values? What impulses most directly disarm my values? How can I learn to recognize when an impulse is in play as opposed to a value? Where the weed at? Notes for Understanding: Thanks Wikipedia! *Therapists or computer-based programs use CBT techniques to help individuals challenge their patterns and beliefs and replace "errors in thinking such as overgeneralizing, magnifying negatives, minimizing positives and catastrophizing" with "more realistic and effective thoughts, thus decreasing emotional distress and self-defeating behavior".CBT helps individuals replace "maladaptive ... coping skills, cognitions, emotions and behaviors with more adaptive ones", by challenging an individual's way of thinking and the way that he/she reacts to certain habits or behaviors. **This particular article featured The Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT, I know right?) adapted from Cognitive Behavioral therapy. *** This article also featured elements of Rational Behavior Therapy (RBT) a form of Cognitive behavioral therapy developed by psychiatrist Dr. Maxie C. Maultsby, Jr. a professor at the Medical College at Howard University. RBT is designed to be a short term therapy which is based on the belief of discovering an unsuspected problem which creates unwanted mental, emotional and physical behaviors.