Leap of Faith

You've got to move. You've got to get yourself going towards the ideal. That's all there is in life. I wanted to create a post that totally disparaged the people who I have allowed just enough room in my life to hang be, because they did. I won't. They got all the publicity they deserved when it happened. I forgive them. I understand that what happened is a part of my experience in this life, and I cherish it for what it's worth and for what it's doing for me.

Genesis 50:20 put is as eloquently as I have ever experienced this statement "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Starting with my own.
This life was meant to be lived. I found myself sharing my philosophy of the fact that I believe I am already dead with someone dear to me. This was of great shock to him and once he said " I think that's what losers think" I had to think. What do you mean by that? And then I wondered why he would say something like that. "I think it means you've given up, that there's nothing to live for". Unknowing I had. My experience with death so close and so early on was meant to be a lesson to me, that I must make haste with this time I was given, and I must make plenty with the talents and love which God has bestowed on me. Instead for some time I chose to use it as a reason to be emotionless an reason to cry I reason to wonder why i had less, and that simply wasn't the case. Even today as I find myself in what would seem like the most daunting situation a I have ever face, I find myself emboldened unto new heights and empowered to face the next steps with a blessed assurance unlike I have ever felt.
Today I checked into a Shelter for transitional youth. Is that what I am? That would seem to be the reality of this. I have rededicated my life to God, and I know that God has placed the gift of "feeling" "entertaining" "singing" and above all Inspiration into my life. That is what I'm meant to share, and that's what I will share with everyone. With all and everything that I do I will empower people to greatness, by most definitely aspiring and acting towards greatness in my life. I give myself 90 days or less to be here. I'm currently working at a Record Label to record my mixtape/album and then I will get a part time job so that I can get my own place. I called about a place on Hollywood Near Hollywood and Highland and it was $2000 for a 1bedroom! YIKES.

Action plan:
Secure a Part Time Job for $$
Save enough $$ to move to Hollywood
Market for the label
Write everyday
Record Songs for my demo

The meeting of these goals will serve as my birthday present to myself this year.

Realty check.

October 7, 2011

I have this overwhelming sadness in my spirit that is beginning to bleed into life. It feels like everyone I care about is turning on me, and I am forced to wonder what the part that I play in this whole life is. Some part of me says that It’s this deep seated resentment I have towards myself for not being the man that I know that I am to be. Right now I have no money, no job, no girl, no car, no place and what feels like nobody. I wish I were capable of crying, and I’m trying to force/allow some tears to experience catharsis….to no avail. Tonight I told my twin sister whom I love so dearly “Fuck You”. I didn’t really feel to bad about it when I did it. It seemed like the perfect representation of exactly what I felt at the time. I wonder if I have gone too far, if our relationship is beyond repair…..
A couple of days ago I pressed my aunt’s buttons until she “excused me” from the office. Whatever that means. I had been thinking of resigning for a few days, and I saw my out. We haven’t discussed that face to face, and I can definitely feel the coldness freezing in my heart towards her…but for no good reason. This is something that I brought upon me.

I feel like I have a great grip on reality when it comes to everyone but me, and I just can’t seem to understand why. What am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? All that bullshit doesn’t even matter to me right now because it’s about what I have to do. Music. I’ve played myself for far too long and haven’t given myself the chance to feel and live the life that I want to live. THAT is why I am representing hatred, and anger to all those around me…because I feel that way towards myself. No more. I forgive you L’aurence for not treating your life with the care and concern that you treated others. I forgive you L’aurence for experimenting with different roads in life, you’ve gained useful knowledge. I forgive you L’aurence for “checking out” of the “working world” to see what it means to truly skirt by. Now, I beseech you to live your bliss. It is only then can you give that same joy you will feel to those who mean most to you in life. Take your time, and create an existence worth loving, worth living, worth watching, worth caring and worth your time.

I need time away. I need time away from everyone I know in this moment. Loretta, Teresa, Chico, Marveina, L’aurelei, Vanessa, Freddy, Arturo, Sharla, Bridget etc…I need to just focus on myself right now. I will immerse myself into music without a plan B. This is do or die. I’m tired of being dead. I want to live. I want to grow, and I want to be a resource to those I love.

Perspective

One of the reasons I'm using this blog is to review and improve my writing and my life. Right now, I'm in a space where I want to see results fast. I'm ready to be living in my own place, driving my own car, making my own millions and just really creating the life that I know I am destined to live. Thinking logically and critically, I do not have to wait until tomorrow to start designging this life. More on that later...
One of the things that I have been taking note of are the people I allow into my perception of life. In examining a few of the friendships/relationships that I have I've encountered a bit of a paradox. These people are my friends, and I have chosen them to be in my reality. Why should these people be anythiing less than amazing, supportive, intelligent, honest & caring? They shouldn't. I won't accept anything less. This really has left me wondering what purpose certain relationships served...ah well It is time to prune the friendship bonsai and make sure that they new leaves have room for growth. I'm going over all these people with a fine tooth comb, and where I can give I will allow to grow, and where I can't I must leave alone. Personal mastery is the journey that I am on and I look forward to experiencing and sharing it

Baby, I'ma be my Motivation.

This week has been a dream. I'm working to get my motivation back and I have to say I've been doing a damn good job (yeah I too my own horn...beep beep motherfuckers). My nigga Arty invited me back to LMU to the 100th anniversary celebration this past Sunday. Too good. Too Good. Met up with a connection, the incredible Mr. Charles Mason (who originally recuited me to LMU) and there continued the path towards completing my degree. From there I obtained an appointment for Tuesday that went swimmingly. Between Mr. Mason, Linda Jorgenson, Roger Pardee & Mr. Milicevic ( yes, that many people) I was armed with all the tools to stage a comeback. Will I be able to finsih my degree? Yes. Am I in over my head? Maybe. Will this be the next chapter in the 2nd Greatest Story ever told? (I see you JC), Yes. In addition to this, my producer contacted me about some studio time and writing new records. Way too hyped to get back to laying tracks down...Look for the Mixtape #1 on 11/11/11. All new tracks, all new writing, all new flow. So many cats out there in the music world, and it's really time to show them how its done. I'm tempted to say that this is the beginning, but I wonder if that will diminish the work it took to obtain it. So I'll say that this is the progression. Hmmm...I might change the name of the Mixtape to "The Progression" Top it all off, I've found excellent properties that I am currently selling to my investors. So now that I've successfully acquired motivation for my action, the next step is to raise my determination..More on that Post Later.

In continuing with the theme of success...I've got a couple of updates. Generated some interest with the new marketing that I have done, now I'm looking to get the motivation to convert these inquiries into checks. Having gone on a couple of listing appointments that didn't end in listings, I started to question: Where could I have done better? Each time I was afforded with an answer of unbelievable value...The most prominent lesson is something that I have heard from my mentor and various other sales technicians "Ask for the deal". Such a simple sounding concept, but one that up until recently didn't appear to have a practical application. Wasn't the very fact that I arranged an appointment, prepared marketing materials, and provided all the information that would lead one to deduce a sale enough? No. Most people want to be lead, and once you've lead them so far via road maps and street signs, it's time to ask them the quintessential question of any road trip or journey "Are we there yet?". Although this question seems annoying to the driver, it provides a point of practical assessment where one is forced to check the surrounding and determine how close (or far) our destination truly is. My focus has now distilled into the moment. What am I doing this moment to provide a serice? What am I doing this moment to generate income? What am I doing this moment to improve my life? What am I doing?...to quote my contemporary "Oh yeah, that's right I'm doing me....I'm living life right now man."
The Promises Section:
I will post at least once a week.
I will provide a weekley statistics report for all my goals.
I will mention the songs that catch my attention in my blog.
I will provide more information on success.
I will supply the reader with practical applications lofty concepts.
I will supply the reader with quotes that move me.

The Cost of Success Part 1

Lately I've been enthralled with the idea of success. What does it mean to me to be successful? This question has lead me to many different avenues of answer. Success, in my opinion, means accomplishing what it is that one has set one's mind to do. In that respect, I want success. Well that opens another question for me, at what would I like to be successful? My goal in life is to be wildly successful at selling homes, create a financial Picasso that will allow me to create the music that I want to release to the world, live brazenly, die a legend and be remembered as an international mogul/sex symbol. Where does that start? Well, it starts with me enacting a plan to list the world, starting with homes in the Morningside Park Area of Inglewood. Tomorrow I will mail out 500 postcards expecting to generate at least 5 viable listings which I will then sell. I will keep you posted on how it goes....

ON ANOTHER NOTE

This week I realized the importance/definition/cost of friendship...true friendship. I have a friend that I have known for more than half of my life stole from me. I don't mean the friendly "Hey Bro, I borrowed your (insert new gadget/clothing item etc) hope you don't mind" that in and of itself is hilariously annoying, but a facet of friendship. Surprisingly, it wasn't shocking. There had previously been a pattern of this person, "getting over me". I chose to ignore it in the hopes that whatever "friendship" we had cultivated up until this point would drown out the desperation and greed that must have overtaken their soul. Bullshit. It's now crystal clear to me that no matter what is at stake, I can't afford to risk my well being for anyone who's ever proven that they've have anything but in mind. This isn't to say that I don't believe in 2nd chances, but much like any other game...3 strikes and you're out.