Thoughts become things

So lately I've been experiencing this internal "tug-o-war" with my drives, passions, feelings and commitments. I love music (singing and writing) to death, it is what frees me, it is what sets me apart from everyone, it is what I want  do to with my life.  I want to go back to school. I enjoy learning, I'm skilled at studying, and I believe that a man must constantly sharpen his mind. I love selling Real Estate, it uses all of my natural talents (communication, negotiation, organization, and marketing)....But as it says in the Bible somewhere (I'm not going to pretend to know, I've read the whole thing, that's good enuff, right?) " a man cannot serve two masters" and it rings true today. How can you be good at anything if you are doing everything? Sure I'm a good singer, I'm a good student, and I am a good Realtor, but I want to be great. I want to be world renowned, and being a Jack of all trades is not the way to get there. I once heard that a decision acted upon with complete certainty is the single most powerful instrument in changing your life which is right in accord with the fact that "What you think about, you bring about". When I woke up this morning I decided that I was going to work at being the best, an expert, if you will at all three of this things. Seems contradictory right? No, because I will put them in an order. At this time in my life I will work on being an Expert Real Estate Agent. This was my original plan, as this will secure me the funds, the business acumen and the maturity that I will need when fame comes knocking at my door. I have also decided that I do not HAVE to go to LMU. My disqualification from there wasn't a failure it was a stepping stone. I've recently read a quote that helped me come to terms with a lot of the "mistakes" that I have made in the past: "Experience is not what happens to a man; it s what a man does with what happens to him"-Aldous Huxley. wow. Feeling very introspective right now. What have I done with what's happened to me? Hmm there's something for me to think, and subsequently blog about. I will post these findings later this evening.

Thoughts

Damn, I was going over my Calendar for June...and that date stuck out at me...June 21...I can't believe that it will be 5 years since my Mom passed away. WTF? And my dad died this year..Within 4 years of eachother my parents died. I'm still not 21. I know that these things happen, but this overwhelming sadness swept my being. I will not allow this to defeat me, I will not allow my sadness to overwhelm me, this motivates me to become the man whom the were fashioning me to be sooner than later.

A simple act of kindness

It's pretty amazing how a kind word or gesture can change the course of your moods...I was feeling totally down due to a series of unfortunate events and I looked on my Twitter, and there a kind set of words typed before me...It filled me with such a brightness, that the darkness seems so small...I must continue to guard my feelings and my words with all my might and PUSH forward, knowing that the greatness within me is burgeoning to the surface, prepare to explore. Can someone say Supernova? That word has several meanings with me...what's yours?

FML!

 There is no one to blame for the way your life goes, and that becomes clearer and more apparent to me every single day...

Never Giving Up

No matter how hard it gets, I will continue to push forward knowing that "It's always darkest before the dawn" (thanks Dad). You see, the mind is an amazing thing capable of creation or desctruction. "The Power of Life and Death is in the tongue"-The Bible. These words have never rang so true in my life, you have got to speak what you want into your existence. Guard your words, and remember that you are the master of your destiny. Today I will resolve to only say positive things and allow positivity to engulf my life. Never will I ever let anyone dictate my feelings or change who I am as a person. I am a naturally caring, loving dude who really wants great things for all. I will speak only in what is beneficial, and let the bad fall away as dead petals on a rose.

Spiritual Awakening...

So I'm not sure if that title best suits, how I am feeling, but I felt it was appropriate. I am really beginning to experience "hunger paigns" for God if you will. For the first time in my life I can honestly look at my life and say that I wasn't putting him first for a while. I am doing my best to move back into His rhythm, and to get him first....but I feel a little behind. Most notably I haven't gone to church as often as I used to (Wonder how many times if at all I attended Mass this year?). I know that I need Him, and it's not because of hard times or a crisis, I just need that extra loving grace that only knowing Him adds to one's life.  Starting today I will take little steps (Thanks St. Therese of Lisieux) to bring me back to God's favor. I feel the spark of my life has slightly diminished without sharing God with others. I want to be a testimony to His greatness in all that I do be it music or Real Estate and let His light shine through me....

Keeping your head Up

It's not an easy thing to do. There are tons of naysayers, and just life situations that would tempt you to believe that you are less than you are, that you are less capable than you are, and less loved than you truly are.  There are times when you must search the fabric of your person and ask yourself "what truly makes me happy right now". Sometimes it won't be that deep, it could be a tv show,  a particular painting or a food. Sometimes it could mean that must completely alter the current course your life is taking and flee with all that you have, if only your sanity, towards that new direction.  The key to being happy lies in the seconds and milliseconds of your life. Are you doing something right now that gives you pleasure? If you are not, what could you be doing, or how can you look at what you are doing (if it is a necessity, such as work) in order to be happy? If it is work, you're happy that you're supporting yourself and making ends meet ( or attempting to).  Listen to music, write some ideas down, search YouTube for inspirational messages, do whatever it takes to keep your vibes high and your doubt of yourself and your self-worth and success low.  After all, we are all worth something, we all have a uniqueness to give others...Find yours, use it, and give it to others.

Getting the Hang of it

heh, this blogging thing really isn't so bad... I've actually been updating it regularly...nothing particularly new in my life. I am finding myself become re-acquainted with my cousins, which is something for which I am extremely grateful. I hung out with my cousin Jamecca last week..although I know I could not have been so much fun (going through nicotine withdrawals, yikes!) but I guess the good thing was that I learned that I could stop at any given moment. It might go without saying that I have since started again, but in "moderation"..yeah I know, but we all have our habits ;). I enjoyed hanging out with her, but sometimes I wonder if people get tired of me? Knowing what I know now about how the mind works (mainly in respect to the Law of Attraction) those very thoughts and insecurities were the undoing of any relationship (romantic, familial, friends) that I have lost in the past. Does that excuse the people who have wronged/abandoned me? No, that can't be so, but it does however allow me  see that I continued to  read over the sheet music to the sad solo part I played while the Titanic sank. haha. But anyways life is really going great for me, I am so blessed with the opportunity to have a clear mind and to be able to visualize and obtain my goals through focus. I'm still a work in progress....On a side note, I went back to the studio where I did my rough demo, and I think I was being wheeled and dealed into another situation. I'm going to hope that things go well and trust that my vibes will align with what's right. I am really looking forward to recording new music and finally getting out there again, and I am definitely looking forward to all the great business that is flowing my way in Real Estate. Getting my grown man on, and getting on that Mogul Status....Here's what I've been thinking lately "You may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you can get a damn good idea from what section its in" -L'aurence Durr. Don't know if it made sense, but I think I'm onto something

Mariah Carey and Life

Gosh Man...Mariah Carey's music is so wonderful..I mean if you really really listen to any of her songs, you hear a deep complexity about them. She nails things so much that you only can't help but feel her and know exactly how she was feeling. You really have to listen to that "Breakdown" song to really know that she is the Epitome of Recording Artist. She is what the profession is made for, there will never be another her...ever

Music.

So I've been having  a great time with my cousin James lately. This dude is so brilliant, so insightful and it's really cool not to feel alone in your thoughts. eh, just had to get that out. So anyways, countdown til the big day. I am going to win. I'm watching what I eat, and staying out of smoky environments for a LONG time. at least until the performance. I am drinking tons of water...I didnt get much sleep in the last 3 days ( 6hrs) and I know that is bad for my voice...especially 'cause I was on a whole different tip last nite and started listening to the song "Breakdown" by Mariah Carey. If you haven't heard it, it's the perfect song in every sense of the word, including video. I even called someone who I've missed for the longest...but I don't know how things will turn out with us..yeah, I really and just trying to focus on the two most important things to me right now: The Office and My music...I'm wondering if I have to be all in one or the other...for now I will just work at the office during the day, and then take time to practice my vocals in the early morning and late nites... Thank You God for this gift of music, please help me nourish it.